April 12, 2020
Are you fearful right now? I am. As I write this morning, I’m fearful for my health, my immuno-compromised loved ones, for my precious children and what we will emerge to face when this nightmare has run its course. You and I are not alone. As a world, as the human race, we are united by fear right now.
Are you overwhelmed? I sure am. Perhaps you are working from home, (or rather: at home, trying to work) and have to wrangle kids while doing so. Perhaps you stayed home but had outside help, and now you have to manage alone. Perhaps your partner is either not being very supportive or is actually being downright difficult. You and I are not alone. As a world, as the human race, we are all experiencing what it’s like to be completely overwhelmed.
We cannot change what’s going on out there in the storm. We have so little control over the external situation. We must look for what we can control internally. As parents, we can start by doing our best to manage our own fear and stress. Don’t ignore your anxiety. Respond to it with acceptance, mindfulness, breathing, getting outside, snuggling a pet or calling a friend. Fight the urge to withdraw into yourself. Do what works best for you. Remember the oft-used metaphor of the oxygen mask on an airplane? It demonstrates the need for self-care at a time like this. You may only get a little . . . but make getting it a priority if you possibly can, so that you can then turn and help your child. Don’t be ashamed to get professional online help from a therapist if you need it. And by all means, skip the self-comparisons. They can be dangerous!
Our kids are afraid and overwhelmed too, though they may or may not have the ability to verbalize how they’re feeling. They are like sponges in that they absorb so much of what we model. Though there’s a viral hurricane raging all around us, we have the opportunity to shape their lives for the good, by loving them wisely during this crisis and treating them, and those around us, with patience and kindness. When we are able to look outside of our internal turmoil long enough to see and respond to the needs of others, our kids observe us living out a calm, unwavering ethic of grace and compassion within the turbulence of the storm. When we are able to practice gratitude, even for the small things, our kids learn that we can rise above fear and still be thankful for what we have been given, though outside, the world is chaotic. Most of all, when we are able to take the time to set aside our own panic and discomfort, and hug or hold our kids, regardless of their age, we are providing an emotional haven, a small pocket of peacefulness that is unshakeable and safe. That physical connection is coded deep within our brains as bonding, and it’s a beautiful gift to give a child whose nerves are frayed. So let’s you and I take a minute today to intentionally smile deeply at our kids, hold them tight and tell them that we love them. Then we can rest together, in the calm space we have created in the eye of the storm.
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